Thank you, John Mayer,
for deciding to have a Summer Tour. I was sorely disappointed that I could not attend last Friday’s show in San Jose, which broke my vow of seeing you every time you come to the Bay Area. Luckily, I know what the fuck I’M doing come August 20th.
Cigarettes smell gross
and I don’t care how nice you are, if you smoke, you smell gross too. So don’t smoke. For our nose’s sake. This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless! To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture. Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is...
I know I'm partially responsible but
I’d like to thank my parents for making these past few days just awful. Terrible. Horrible. No good. Very bad. Thanks a lot for nagging me constrantly and implying that my shortcomings have made me a failure. You’ve done so much for me that I’m sure you decided you had done enough. Thanks ever so much.
Dear AC Transit
FUCK YOU. Because of you, I have to leave the house 20-30 minutes earlier to catch a bus to Park St. because you are all dumbasses. I donlt see ho me taking exponentially fewer bus rides is gonna save you money, ya shits.
Just when I feel that my life is near-perfect
The King of the Worst-Case-Scenario reminds me that I’ll have no future if I don’t get a summer job, and I have to start every single one of my local college apps TOMORROW because it’s almost too late, even though some of the Ivy League schools haven’t sent out their actual acceptances yet. Shut up and trust that maybe I know what I’m doing. That’s a lie. I...
Irish Greg is having someone contact me about...
Whooooooooo! Possible perks include concert tickets, live bootlegs, and Foghead swag. Also, the experince of a lifetime; assisting the people who have brightened my day with their voices for over ten years. I really hope this works out.
Jason, Monica, and Rosie talk about...
No lie, I still get overly excited to see rainbows.
She&HimShe&HimShe&HimShe&HimShe&HimShe&HimShe&Him GottagetticketsNOW. $29.50General admission ftw! :D …eye&noseallergiesFTSUCK.
I cataloged my entire CD collection.
and those are just my CDs, and that doesn’t count anything I’ve downloaded from iTunes or borrowed from a frined. I cataloged just the actual CDs for the purpose of realphabetizing them, which I did to the best of my abilities. I need a bigger CD shelf. 201 ALBUMS. Oh, wait, there’s a Springsteen CD in my mom’s car. 202 ALBUMS. I’ve got everything from Aerosmith to...
It’s been lonely lately.
‘My penis is good for life’
‘No my penis, no kiss.’
‘I’d walk a mile for my penis.’
“Nothing takes the place of my penis”
I just typed “my penis” into SloganMaker.com. The result? “Be young. Have fun. Taste my penis.”
If you could attend any concert, what would it be?
The Beatles at Candlestick Park, even if I couldn’t hear anything. To know that it would be the last time they’d be doing those songs would be enough for me. Also, I heard a bootleg of some songs, and they cut loose on “Long Tall Sally” like never before. Paul is KILLING IT. Also, John Mayer, last Friday, so I wouldn’t have broken my vow of seeing him every time he...
I am dreading Passover with every inch of my...
Matzah tastes like the box it came in. Kosher candy tastes like ass. The seder is long. The seder is boring. The soup is never flavorful enough. No bagels. No pancakes. No waffles. No chicken tenders (!). No pasta. No rice. No ice cream in a cone. No tortillas. Basically no food readily available on Park St. No popcorn. No cookies. No cake. No brownies. No coffee (I’m gonna ignore that). No...
Dear Tyler Perry, STOP. Love, Humanity.
John Mellencamp should know better than to fight with The Authority. The Authority always wins!
Why the hell is Raffi’s ‘Baby Beluga’ stuck in my head?
Randell: Who was Paul Chambers?
Garren: He was in that one movie, Paul Chambers and the Harry of Secrets!
Why are so many teenage mothers the least likely people you’d expect to have sex appeal?
Where's your favorite place to buy clothes?
Old Navy/The Gap, Hot Topic (band tees ftw), and I need to go to Urban Outfitters. Also, strangely enough, Target. Ask me anything
MASHUP IDEA: Eurythmics’ ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These)’ / Black Eyed Peas’ ‘Let’s Get Retarded.’ Who’s got the tools to make this real?
Mom: According to this, the greatest weapon we have to combat distress is-
Me: The Flamethrower!
Mom: No, the greatest weapon is-
Me: The missile launcher?
Mom: No, it's-
Me: The machete?